The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford feels slower to watch than the title is long. Fair acting can't save this movie from the grass growing, paint drying, snail racing pace.

Brad Pitt lands the honor of playing legendary Wild West legend Jesse James. James' paranoia runs rampant as he kills and maims his friends, his victims and his posse-mates. His behavior and the government set in motion an assassination plot to kill Jesse James. Robert Ford (Casey Affleck) the meek weakling who is put in the position to be the killer of Jesse James.

After I saw The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford all I could think about was my Human Sexuality class. When I was in college, my Human Sexuality teacher managed to teach about human sexuality without ever accidently slipping and having a sexy tone to his voice or a giggle when he talked about anything sexual. He managed to take the sex out of sexuality and do it with the honed ability to bore his students. Director and writer Andrew Dominik managed to take all the Wild and West out of his version of Jesse James' story. Yeah, sure there are guns, shootings and robberies but they are as exciting or interesting as medical sketches of uteruses are erotic.

This movie progresses like a high drama western soap opera. The story unfurls as smoothly as a ride across the outback and at the pace of an octogenarian three-legged race.